I remember last year on my birthday, I had got up in the morning to find a bunch of flowers waiting for me with a hand made card from you. It said you love me the most in the world. It promised you will take care of me always.
Today I need your care. I am not well. Doctors tell me not to take stress. I have no stress in my life anymore.
My only stress used to be your grades. I worried whether you will go on to be a doctor. Everything is so competitive these days.
My life revolved around you. Making meals for you, getting your clothes ready and helping you with homework.
I have no dreams left. My dreams were for you. I had hoped you would grow up to be a doctor, to get married, to have children, to be looked after by you in my old age and the to be carried by you to my grave.
All my prayers were for you. I spent hours on the prayer mat praying for your success and safety.
Now I pray too, to give me courage to accept that my son, who was my life and my world is no longer in this world. He has gone to a better world, where there is no chaos and violence.
I also pray that what happened to my son on that unforgettable and unfortunate day in December, in Peshawar does not happen to anyone. When I see bullets being fired in Syria, Afghanistan, Pakistan and Palestine, I wonder who created weapons of destruction and why. Did they not have any children?
Your father says we need to accept your loss as Will of Allah. I have accepted His Will that very day, when my son left the world.
If I cry, I cry wondering whether my son’s death made any difference to my country. Is it a safer country? Have the people who inspired the killers of my son, making them think they were doing a holy act arrested? Will they commit this kind of action again? Is my son forgotten by his country people? As I think I feel helpless and angry and I cry.
On my birthday, I wish a very happy birthday to all mothers. I pray you see the happiness of your children, you see them safely going and coming back from school. You see them growing up to be the dream of your life.
I also have a request, pray for my son and if possible, in your own way do something to make his mother feel, his life did not go in vain.