I want to die

I want to die, tell me how? 

But why?

No one loves me!

No one, I have taken out time for you.

But you do it for others too.

Not exactly, but anyhow no one loves you. And who all are supposed to love you.

My mother at least.

And she definitely does not love you.

You are right! She does love my elder sister and brother.

Why?

Well! Simply because they have jobs where they earn millions.

And she needs those millions, does she?

Well in her old age she would. And they are smart!

You are smart too. You have great ideas.

But those ideas did not get me anywhere.

You did make it to an excellent university.

And I messed it by dropping out.

Yes…..

You  know what these traditional universities are not for me. Why bother going to a university, sitting through tortuous classes, taking those pen and paper exams. I can do all that sitting at home.

Yes…

But my parents cannot forgive me for dropping out. They do not love me.

Have they stopped giving you food?

Food is my basic right. How can they deprive me of it?

Oh yes…

But they no longer love me.

What a lovely mobile phone.

Yes my father got it from Dubai…..the latest model….it rocks!

Of course.

But he does not love me. For I will never have a stable 9 to 5 job like him. You know why?

How would I?

Because that is out of fashion. Plus I want to be cool, not boring like him.

So you want to die….may I ask how?

That is what I want to discuss.

What!

You have an idea for everything.

Not for suicide fortunately!

It is not a suicide. It is helping me. It is liberating me.

Helping you?

Not only me, my family too, my friends too…I am a liability for everyone.

No you are not. You are a bright talented person with fantastic ideas, only that you need help in putting them into action.

So help me with the idea of killing myself.

I……have no experience.

Even you do not want to help me. You are like the others.

Okay…calm down. How do you want to die?

Comfortably in the luxury of my home. I want a painless death.

Well…..deaths are not painless.

I have a sleeping tablet every second day.

You are only 20…..and you have sleeping tablets. Does your mother know of it?

That is none of your business. If I eat twenty of them, will I die?

I usually struggle to sleep if I ever have a sleeping tablet, so maybe if you have 20 you may not go to sleep for 20 years!! Why not jump into the sea?

I know swimming…will save myself.

Save yourself….but you want to die!

Well, you see I do want to die. That is all I want to do. Once I tried to kill myself by driving the car at a reckless speed. As the car was about to lose control, I panicked.  I cannot live without air-conditioner, the grave will not have one, will it?

Definitely it will not have one. You want to die because no one loves you. Your parents still let you live in their air-conditioned house, they still feed you, they still provide you with luxuries.

But they are always shouting at me.

Always ….. or at times….they want you to do something in life. If you want to do it your way, talk to them.  Killing yourself is killing them along with you. Your mobile is ringing. Who is it?

My mom….must be asking where am I and will I come for dinner. She gets worried.

If you kill yourself…maybe then I will have her sitting there on that sofa saying:

I want to die.




3 Comments

Kudos to you doc for highlighting this fact, towards which majority of our society turns a blind eye.

With increasing unemployment, meltdown of social and family structures/ties, increase in fb friends while contracting circle of friends in real life, all this is contributing to the epidemic of depression, low self esteem and people having suicidal thoughts or who eventually attempt it.

If anyone is suffering from depression or low moment in life please do read translation ( and more preferable tafseer) of Surah Duha(Sura #93), it really helped me with my rough patch

May Almighty give peace and patience to all those who are suffering from any grief, depression or loss of any kind and the tenacity to make it through our rough patches in life.

Kudos to you doc for highlighting this fact, towards which majority of our society turns a blind eye.

With increasing unemployment, meltdown of social and family structures/ties, increase in fb friends while contracting circle of friends in real life, all this is contributing to the epidemic of depression, low self esteem and people having suicidal thoughts or who eventually attempt it.

If anyone is suffering from depression or low moment in life please do read translation ( and more preferable tafseer) of Surah Duha(Sura #93), it really helped me with my rough patch.

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