I wanted life. A better life, if possible, but a life would have been sufficient too.
I once had a home. I once had healthy children. I once had laughter in my courtyard. My handsome husband had lands. He had cows and castles. We had a life in which everything was sufficient.
Then it all changed. There were bombs. There were blasts. There was blood. Everyone was fighting with one another.
I do not know how and why my country became a hell but it did. It was never a heaven but it was a home. It no longer was a home.
I heard women of the village say after all the bloodshed; we would have a better country. We must have hope in the free world to free us.
I hoped for improvement every day till one day they left my dead husband on the door. Who were they? I had no enemy but after his death I had to get a life for my three sons.
I had lands, I had jewellery but there were not many people to buy all that I had. So I gave them all to the man who promised me a life for my boys. He took everything I had except my sons.
He brought us to a lorry. It was a big one and it was white. He said in few hours we would be in the land of white people who would respect us. There would be no death in that peaceful world.
I believed him. My sons cried leaving their friends but I told them they will have better friends, better books, better food and a life in their new home.
My old parents begged me not to leave them but a mother has to do the best for her children only. I could not let my sons die like my husband.
I left it all. Maybe I should not have done it.
I trusted the free world for free life but I should not have done it. If my country could not give us life, why should any other country do?
We are people without any respect. Our lives have no value, neither for our people nor for anyone else.
If they did, my sons would not have died begging for water and air. We banged the walls and doors of the lorry but no one heard us.
Who would hear the voice of homeless people like us?
They died. I drove them to death, while all I was doing was to save them from death. Was it a sin? Was it a crime? Should I have left them die in their own home but maybe they would not have died there.
Now I must die too for I have nothing to live.
It has been a long journey from a death anticipated to a death achieved.