Miss you load

It has been a year since I saw you last. Not a day goes that I do not think of you.

My days are filled with the memories of the peaceful days spent and my nights with dreams of the unforgettable time with you.

Yes it took me a year to tell you that you are missed immensely; that my prayers are still filled with wishes of returning to you. Expressing my feelings needed words that were beyond my pen’s limited calibre.

You made me question my self established beliefs. I who thought everyone around me a sinner found myself challenged. Who am I to pass a judgment? Am I sin un-tainted? Are my morals beyond reproach? If no then how can I be a moral authority – if yes even then could I sentence someone as sinner? I do not think so.

Your generosity, your magnanimity, your ability to embrace all, to make foes friends, to make people absolve their differences and focus on collective goals made me reflect over our lives. Why when you could forge unity of action and thoughts; our lives are immersed in irreconcilable petty differences which several times blow into conflicts of overwhelming adverse consequences? Why with you being kind, humble, tolerant, respecting all was so easy when on our own we cannot stand slight differences of opinion?

When the world cannot forgive many for genuine minor human lapses; with you forgiveness was a straightforward act- the seeker with his finite list of forgiveness- you with limitless opportunities of seeking forgiveness. Weeping, lamenting, asking – you encouraged it and in return gave an incredible unexplained feeling of vindication.
With you, I could be myself free from pretension of appearances and actions. My days were filled with acts that I to date cherish as kind and my nights with prayers that I remember as selfless and sincere. Patience became a virtue so much practised that even when provoked intensively, outcome would only be a patient smile.

That one night when rich and poor, ethical and unethical, black and white – all had open sky as their blanket and hard road as the mattress – you made the relentless struggle for material bliss appear so futile.

As stones were pelted on the perpetrator of all evil in our lives; questions were asked whether the evil was internal or external?

It has been a year. I may have tried my best but I cannot be the person I was with you. At slightest provocation, I lose my temper. Tolerance is difficult to achieve….why am I not the same person as I was with you?

I miss you very much.

Miss you Mecca, miss you Madina.

Miss you loads.

Cricket and Colombo

Colombo breathes cricket. It anticipates a victory that has evaded them.

If it does not win then?

I do not know but if it was Lahore and Pakistan would have been playing T20 final I could have predicted behaviours both post victory and post loss.

In victory we would have set new benchmarks of ecstatic celebrations. Dance, songs, drums, motor cyclists speeding and blowing horns, sweets being distributed. In defeat we would have set new standards of destructive mourning. We would have set effigies of players on fire, would have stoned their houses and cars.

This is what we are. Till the going is good we act good. We honour those responsible for the good – elevate them to grandiose unimaginable. When the going is bad we act bad. Such humiliation is inflicted on perpetrators of the bad going that their lives symbolize gloom and doom. Some give up leaving the country, some remain resilient but their resilience is tested severely.

I do not know who is to be blamed for our behaviors. Any achiever among us lives continually on precipice. Knives are Out to stab them if they err slightly. We behave as if by ridiculing our heroes we are showing our superiority. Just fail to know why are we like this. To be blamed is our education system, our upbringing or the socio economic conditions.

As usual I look for reasons and solutions – maybe I have both but just fear prevents me from recognizing them.

Colombo around me is buzzing with cricket fever injecting several gallons of energy, hope and enthusiasm in me. Colombo is one of my favorite cities for it makes me dream of enlightened energized emphatic Pakistan that I hope to see before I die.

Even in defeat, Sri Lankans would smile and remain professionally graceful.

A victory would invoke graceful celebrations and that is what I am sure of today.

Good luck Sri Lanka!