No school – No dengue?

Rain rain as much as you can!

Mom we cannot afford more rain.

We can afford anything – we have billions in accounts worldwide.

Mom already rain has proved catastrophic for us.

Where when?

What- do you not know?

Oh God! Why did  you give me catastrophic husband who gave me hazardous kids?

Mom relax just pray it does not rain.

No it must rain.

But mom if it rains we will die.

Why will we die – I do not want to die before owning a Hermes bag.

Mom do you not remember what happened last year

Yes very much dear son – I found you in the slums of Mardan with damsels of Sarhad.

KP mom.

KP – too modern a name for Paindu Pathans province.

Speak low – the driver and security guard are next door – they have feelings.

You and your sensitivities – got me to nervous breakdown.

Mom – I respect you a lot.

Wish you had done it when you were flashed on TV feeding Chicken biryani and Zarda to Mardan beauties- embarrassed missed my committee party & Soomy Shah wedding.

Mom I was trying to help flood victims – men and women included.

Let us not argue but pray for more rain – rain rain rain.

Mom – why do you want us to be destroyed. No one is willing to help us even.

Us and help?

Mom flood victims would need help and international community will not bail us after what we did to their money last year.

So US WE – by all this you meant flood victims! – I am not a flood victim stupid boy – oh rain rain rain or I will have to go to London for counselling.

Mom phone from Auntie Prettie

Oh Prettie will not be able to come to Tidi’s diamonds exhibition. Get me a solitaire will send you money. So tragic!

Wish I had kids glued to Facebook, Play station, girl friends, parties and Katrina’s movies like yours – my disobedient sons need to be guided against eliminating poverty through social work.

What Nini has dengue. …… Oh rain rain rain so temperature falls machars die dengue go away and I become kids free and my friends dengue death free rest I do not care. The country can drown Obhama will bail us out.

Ma rain water causes dengue

Oh you … Rain rain rain no no rain go away not to come back till we have CM Shahbaz who thinks No School No Dengue?

Chat time @ beauty saloon

You know my maid ran away.

What-with whom?

My neighbour’s son

What with Nimmy’s son.

Yes but Nimmy’s son was in love with Timmy’s son,I mean daughter-Poomy.

Oh, but Poomy has ran away with her gym trainer Latif. Thought Nimmy’s son was too boring like her father.

Oh my God, when did this happen?

Last month.

Oh well I was not in Lahore then. I cannot stand Lahore in July. Too hot-too humid. Too populated too humiliating being stuck in dusty smelly Lahore in summer when everyone is chilling somewhere away from PAKISTAN!

I envy you. Sadly stuck in Lahore. My mother in law!

Is she still alive? Was she not on ventilator?

The old woman defeated death even. She bounced back just when we had the property distributed. So typical of her- surprising you when you think you have her trapped.

Oh so sad. Lucky me never had a mother in law.

Oh yes she died on your wedding day.

No the day after the valima! She died of shock – I called her a manipulative old lady.


She gave too much money to her relatives just to get their duas. If she had been alive we would have been penniless. Her poor relatives still besiege our house for financial help.

But you are so kind hearted.

Well I did give Rs 5 million last night at the fund raiser but then that was for the photo opportunity with Imran Khan!

Awww…. Immy still is a charmer but cannot vote for him. He may turn out to be another Bhutto and nationalise our properties.

Oh Yes and you know my little Timmy went to his Dharna. He could not stay there for more than 5 minutes.

Too many poor people, no generator and so many mosquitoes- he feared he would have TB or dengue fever.

Did he not have it?

Oh yes-poor soul is suffering from the fever courtesy the birthday bash of Seemo’s son-there were so many dengue fevers!

What – is it contagious …. what are you doing here?

Oh no-mosquitoes – silly people – spent millions on dance and music and did not do anything to stop the deadly dance of mosquitoes.

Well the country is coming to an end.

I have my Canadian passport so do you-why worry?

Oh yes but still you see living in Canada will not be the same- the luxuries, the spas, the lawn exhibitions, the servants…..

With our dollars we can buy all the luxuries but cannot be transporting the servants – they may land us up in trouble. They can be suicide bombers you know?

Yes… yes… nothing will happen.. and even if something happens it will be for good.

Well once out of here our children will have the opportunity to run away with blonde gym trainers- imagine our grandchildren- how cute they will be.

My mother in law will not be there- she can rot over here.

Oh yes.. and we can get our massage done by Canadians…how relaxing is the mere thought.

And I can get my Bobbi Brown cosmetics…not be dependent on my husband to get for me on his foreign trips.

I am getting excited- Canada – here I come!

But Pakistan is still here- for you to save it, flourish it and make it better than Canada.

PS: Adapted from a chat overheard at a beauty saloon- what was I doing there? What I usually do- a silent spectator to the spectacle/circus!